Tips For Writing Better Words of Condolence

When consoling those who have lost a loved one, all of us have a genuine desire to say something significant and supportive. But somehow our minds rebel, all of our original thoughts dry up and we feel unable to write anything worthy of sharing. However, there is a solution - you can find words of condolence that genuinely communicate your love, support and caring. Just follow these four simple and insightful tips.

1. When Composing Your Words of Condolence, Focus on the other person.

Put yourself in the place of the person you are consoling. Make an honest attempt to feel what they feel. This most likely will include extreme sadness, shock, disbelief, outrage, depression, quiet acceptance – and in some cases - even relief. Ask yourself: if I were in their unenviable position, what words of condolence would I want to hear? What words would help me to get through the next few days, weeks, months? What words will help me put the recent events in a proper perspective? Then write those words.

2. Acknowledge relationships.

If you know the role the deceased played in a person’s life, include words of condolence such as these. Pam, I know how close you were to your dear Grandma Price and how much you will miss her. My sincere condolences, love Jill.

These types of sentiments will bring a much more personal touch to your words of condolence.

3. Share positive attributes.

In cases where you knew the deceased, think of three positive words to describe them. Words of condolence based on such words are among the most comforting to receive. Example: Mr. Anderson was a man who loved to share, loved to talk, and most of all loved to help his neighbor. I’ll never forget him.

Words such as these can become even more valuable and comforting when you take the time to also include stories highlighting these attributes. I remember the time when Mr. Anderson shared a story of his boyhood dog Cosmo with our family. We still laugh at the thought of that chicken chasing Cosmo around the back yard.

4. Say how you felt when you learned the news.

Share your sadness in your words of condolence. Example: How shocked and saddened I was to hear of the accident that took the life of your beloved husband Jim. My deepest sympathies to you, Jan, and the entire Johnson family, at this heartbreaking time.

Words of condolence can bring great comfort to others. Hand written notes are often saved and read over and over again to remember the deceased. And they will be even more cherished for years to come if they are highly personalized with details and stories about the deceased. Just focus on the other person, acknowledge relationships, share positive attributes and say how you felt when you heard the news, and you will create words of condolence that truly show how much you care.

And remember, while this is certainly a time to share our sadness; it is also a time of remembrance. Remembering and expressing gratitude for all the good times spent with the deceased are also an important part of the grieving process. Be sure to include these types of thoughts as well when composing your words of condolence.